What if the Nationals Were in the Movies?


Often when I am having trouble thinking of a subject on which to write about, I will watch a movie to help me clear my mind.  I was having one of those moments today so I decided to pop in one of my favorite movies of all time, Rookie of the Year.  I know what you’re thinking.  I’m a 24 year old who just admitted that a children’s movie is one of his all time favorites.  I don’t care what you think, it’s a great movie.  Anyway, while I was watching it, something came to me.  What if this movie and other baseball movies featured the Washington Nationals?  Here is how I think some of those movies would turn out.

Rookie of The Year

You'd smile too with Scott Boras as your agent

In the midst of yet another losing season, 12 year old Henry Rowengartner, fresh off a gruesome arm injury, is given tickets to watch a Nationals/Pirates game with his friends.  After all other plans fall through, Rowengartner reluctantly goes to the game.  In the third inning, he manages to catch a home run that was served up to Andrew McCutchen.  Actually it wasn’t hard for him to catch it considering he has one of seven people sitting in the entire section.  Anyway, Rowengartner, not wanting the ball decides to throw it back on to the field but thanks to his now over tightened ligaments, he fires a rocket all the way from left field to the catcher, putting Josh Bard on the disabled list with a broken catching hand.  Amazed, the Nationals front office scrambles to sign Rowengartner to give the team the hard throwing reliever they desperately need.  However, Henry decides to sign with Scott Boras and refuses to sign unless he is given a five year/50 million dollar.  The Nationals are unable to sign him and he instead goes on to sign with the Phillies, leading them to three straight World Series championships.

Little Big League

Eleven year old Billy Haywood is a huge baseball fan who inherits the Washington Nationals after his wealthy grandfather dies.  One of Billy’s first acts as owner is to make himself manager citing, “even as an eleven year old, he can’t be much worse than Jim Riggleman.”  At first, things go well as Haywood brings a childlike joy and love for the game back to the Nationals players but things then go south when Billy is unable to manage night games due to his 9 PM bedtime.  Things ultimately come to an end when Billy trades Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman in exchange for a Playstation 3, 5 gallons of ice cream, and a stack of Playboys.  The team once again finishes in last place and Haywood is forced to sell the team to a group of investors that move the team to Las Vegas.

For Love of The Game

Aging veteran pitcher Billy Chapel is approaching the end of his career after missing the past two years with injury.  Desperate to end his career on his own terms, Chapel signs a one year deal with the Nationals, the only team desperate enough to sign a 40 year old pitcher coming off Tommy John surgery.  He manages to enjoy one of the best years of his career and goes into the final game of the season against the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Chapel has a perfect game going until he serves up a monster home run to Andrew McCutchen in the 6th inning.  The Nationals go on to lose the game 1-0, ending Chapel’s career on a losing note.  Billy Chapel is found dead in his hotel room that night after he commits suicide upon learning his ex-girlfriend Jane is now dating Lastings Milledge.

The Scout

Nationals scout Al Percolo is sent to scout the Mexican baseball leagues as punishment for convincing the team to sign Julian Tavarez.  While in Mexico, Percolo stumbles upon an American pitcher named Steve Nebraska who possesses a 100+ MPH fastball and impressive power at the plate.  Al, desperate to get back in the team’s good graces, quickly alerts the Nationals to this talent and they sign him to a major league contract, with Percolo as his agent.  However, Nebraska quickly tests positive for PEDs and is forced to miss the season.  It is then discovered that Jim Bowden has stolen money from Steve Nebraska’s signing bonus and Nebraska fires Percolo for not catching the theft.  Nebraska then signs with Scott Boras and holds out, demanding that he gets paid a contract in excess of 50 million dollars.  The Nationals have no choice but to trade Steve Nebraska to the Phillies in exchange for two low rated minor league pitchers.

Major League 3: Back to the Minors

No fancy synopsis here.  The Nationals are so bad that they are contracted from Major League baseball and made a Single A affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles.

Upon further review, maybe it’s a good thing that Hollywood has never taken interest in the Washington Nationals.

Tags: Movies