BRYCE HARPER – WONDERBOY
My fellow elves were surprised we had yet to receive a request from Harper this year, but a representative emailed to say the young man had recently married and was enjoying a vacation in Cabo San Lucas.
That Scott Boras, such a nice fellow. Always attending to the needs of others. Wonder how he makes ends meet.
Anyway, young Mr. Boras asked for help with Mr. Harper’s production next year at the plate. We packaged the bat Roy Hobbs gave you a few years ago—Wonderboy—at that banquet. Since you threw your back out swinging it, we didn’t think you would mind.
As the “Wonderboy” of the Nationals, it seemed to fit his needs. Boras hopes to improve Harper’s numbers back to 2015 and we do too. The lumber always gave Mr. Hobbs luck and your game-winning triple at the company softball game met extra egg nog for everyone.
With any luck, Harper can win a game or two with it next September during the playoff chase. If he doesn’t crack it, he may hit that walkoff playoff home run that young man at the laundromat was so worried about last fall. (We packed some better underwear for that poor fellow.)