HARPER, MURPHY GET NEW CONTRACTS
In Bryce Harper and Murphy’s stocking are healthy contract extensions.
Our sources reveal Santa was aghast at the request, especially Harper’s seven-year, $280 million deal. Claus, 2019-years-old, suggested $500 in McDonald’s gift certificates instead in singles. After a quick reminder of Jennifer Lopez’s repeated jewelry requests, Santa signed off.
“Still, wouldn’t he rather have shamrock shakes?” asked Santa.
After signing Manny Machado’s free agency request, he filled Murphy’s stocking with an extension.
With both sides requesting privacy, no terms were released. Elves said massive gnashing of teeth was detected in the Borough of Queens and certain households on Staten Island.
Representatives from Santa’s accountants hope no one focuses on any wire transactions from the Cayman Islands on Tuesday.
Kris Bryant has no comment on the story, but sources at Mario Kart say they have a tenfold increase in requests for extra banana peels from certain IP addresses around Wrigley Field.
Unlike the Zimmerman’s, an object wrapped in paper with a bright-red ribbon is reported headed to a driveway in Harper’s neighborhood. Reportedly, “To her” is on the oversized tag borrowed from The Price is Right.
For the Murphy’s, not only are they content but they are sending Santa a DVD on improved launch angles and sleigh speed as a thank you.