Washington Nationals: Santa Claus’ 2017 gift list revealed
By Ron Juckett
DIAPERS FOR SCHERZER
A new father, several cases of diapers made their way to the Scherzer residence this Christmas.
With a baby girl joining Max and Erica, the Scherzer parents wanted a good night’s sleep for Christmas. Santa, fed up with endless requests for comfort, showed his sadistic side by denying the sleep and sending several cases of biodegradable baby undergarments instead.
Santa offered to sell the baby, Brooklyn, a bridge. Mrs. Clause whacked him with a newspaper, telling reporters later, “Sometimes the old man puts more whisky than egg nog in his glass.”
Tucked in the endless supply of Pampers heaven were bones and cat treats for the family’s noted foster pets.
Scherzer had no comment about his other request for Gatorade being denied. Reportedly, the three empty bottles on top of the fireplace were pointed out to Scherzer.
“He’s had enough.” A disgruntled elf said, wearing a Chicago Cubs hat. Santa, sporting a Giancarlo Stanton New York Yankees jersey, had no comment. When we asked about the autographed picture of Santa hugging Clayton Kershaw, we were immediately whisked away.